


Of confessions and heartbreaks

by StoriesAboutUs



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/F, I didn't have the time to cut the supergirl story line so it's there but it's not that important, sort of alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-27 23:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20416355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesAboutUs/pseuds/StoriesAboutUs
Summary: Kara is unhappily married that's not a secret.Kara is happily seeing and loving Lena Luthor and that's a secret.





	Of confessions and heartbreaks

**Author's Note:**

> So cheating, I DO condemn it, but humans are flawed. That’s all.

“Have you seen my ring?” The blonde at the edge of the bed searches with her eyes while she puts her right heel to complete her last night outfit. There are clothes everywhere, a true statement to how wild and desperate it got last night. She remembers the way she ripped every single piece of clothing from the brunette and how the green eyed woman just took off hers gently as if knowing the repercussions of doing otherwise.

So she sees the array of clothes on the floor but doesn’t see one of her most important possessions.

Not because it has sentimental value, but for it’s worth.

The naked brunette on the bed only opens one eye to ‘help her’ search, but it seems futile since she couldn’t possible discover it with such action. It’s surprising how it doesn’t get on her nerves, which normally it would.

“I don’t know why you take it off. I know you’re married.”

She frowns and gives her a scowl that doesn’t reach the brunette since she is once again with her eyes closed. She hates the smug look on Lena’s face and the way she has perched herself in bed. Both her hands at the back of her head, the sheet hanging low and exposing mostly her uncovered chest. Even though she hates it, Lena knows exactly how to manipulate the situation to her own benefit and amusement. “Excuse me if I don’t want to feel the ring while I’m three knuckles deep inside you.” Kara can see the blush in pale skin after that and it’s worth it, after all she knows how to play the game as well.

Lena opens her eyes again and has the audacity to give her an apologetic smile. If she only knew that she could give her the world with only just that smile.

“Lena, please, help me.” Her plead or her tone must have had the desired effect when Lena flips the cover off her body and grabs a new set of panties. Lena doesn’t put any more clothes on and searches for the missing piece of jewelry, and it distracts her from her own search. Momentarily, she loses her focus because she can’t help but look at her, admire how the exposed skin is perfect or how her body moves. Kara also notices that in all of that perfect skin, there are marks. Lena’s back is marred with them, donning her passion thirst and her desperation for feeling how she always wants to feel, brave and unbidden of showing her love and passion. For a second she feels bad for hurting her but it felt so good in the moment and well Lena hasn’t complained yet, so she dismisses the idea of becoming gentler.

It’s truly unfair how good she looks in the mornings, her stomach tightens and her desire to stay in bed all day just like the brunette suggested comes back full force. 

She hadn’t always been a sexual person but Lena has brought her desires up to another level. A level that she has deemed and named Lena Luthor. Needing release has become second to wanting to provide such thing, but not to anyone, just to Lena.

It should be a problem, it is a problem, but Kara won’t take anything back.

Just her damn ring, for sure. 

She stops ogling when her phone rings in her pocket, once, twice and there’s the faint vibrating motion on her hand when she takes it out but doesn’t pick up the call at all. It happens everytime and this is no exception but she feels the guilt threefold and feels sick.

“I found it!” Lena holds the ring in between her thumb and index finger and turns to see her frozen in place. Lena moves towards her and extends one reassuring hand towards her arm and with the other she places the ring on her open palm. The ring feels so heavy in her possession but the warm hand that moves up and down her upper arm feels grounding and reassuring. “Are you ok?” Lena’s voice is full of worry and it kills her more than the voice she’s going to hear later when she calls _him_ back.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Lena is the only person who she always apologizes to (ok not the only one, but the only one who gets a real apology out of her). She hears the apology in her head, feels it in her mouth, and knows it in her heart that she always would have to feel it and say it to her, for all the things she did and keeps on doing to her.

Lena’s deep frown hides behind her own turned back. Lena finally picks a flannel off the floor and puts it on. She can’t see movement of arms trying to done the buttons on the flannel shirt, but she hopes that they are magically buttoned by the time Lena turns to look at her. But Lena is not looking at her, not even when she replies. “Why are you apologizing?” 

_Why is she apologizing? _

“You don’t have to say sorry every time you leave me.”

_Oh that’s why._

She knows she doesn’t have to say sorry for leaving but she feels like she needs to say it. She wants her to know that she’s saying sorry for not choosing her each time. For leaving her when she wants to stay, for loving her in secret and secretly and not openly like she deserves, for not leaving him and not giving her a real chance. If Lena really knew what she’s apologizing for then she wouldn’t let her leave, and that is the issue. If she does then Lena would definitely ask her to stay and she would.

For now she wants to tell her but she can’t. “I know.”

“You have to go.”

“I – I don’t want to.” The surge of confidence deflates when Lena still doesn’t look at her, but her stare is rather aiming at her closed fists.

“I know but you have to.”

Maybe, just maybe something snaps.

“Why are you so ok with this?” It doesn’t make her look at her, so she tries again when there is no answer. “I’m leaving again and you do nothing to stop it.” She doesn’t really know where she’s going with this, but she’s just tired of Lena letting her go when she wants her to plead her to stay. That’s the thing, Lena has never asked. If she had, she’s pretty sure that she would’ve stayed.

“Has ever once occurred to you that maybe I want you to go Kara?”

_No, it has not occurred to her. Why hasn’t it? _

She can see it in the way that Lena is again not looking at her, by the way that she so desperately fu- made love to her last night; by the way that she says her name like that, she doesn’t mean it.

“So what? I’m just another one of your quick fucks?” She could never be that, they could never become that. And quick is not a word she could describe their encounters.

It seems to strike a chord when Lena with a possibly murderous stare snaps. “Isn’t that what I am to you too?”

_She isn’t. _

“Don’t turn this on me.”

“Then don’t turn this into something that cannot be.” Finally, Lena although with hurt and anger in her eyes was seeing her straight into her eyes again.

There’s a reason why they can’t be together.

She’s the reason.

“You’re a liar Lena and I see right through you. We both know this is something more than it is.”

“Then tell that to yourself, maybe then you will-“ Lena doesn’t finish that sentence, afraid that it would do more good than harm, and they don’t need good, they need to keep the ruse alive so that it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t change them.

“I will what Lena?”

“You…” The space is shortened and without knowing who took the first or the last step they’re inches closer to make the same mistake they’ve been making since they met.

Only this time the insistent ringtone is accompanied by three loud knocks at the door. Lena looks away first and the spell is broken. She wishes she didn’t had to go back to the real world and stay forever, but life doesn’t work that way and she knows the other person on the phone wouldn’t let her either. Kara picks up the call without a second look and Lena is opening the door. Multiple doors, she might dare say when it’s literally and metaphorically when she lets _the_ Veronica Sinclair come in.

She’s distracted by his voice, it’s always so deep and rough when he has two or more drinks, and she can tell this is one of those times. He is demanding to know where she is and at what time she was going to be at home. Going home meant to take whatever comes at her.

How many times can someone change in a lifetime? She’s sure he can change but he won’t. Once upon a time, she thought she deserved it. Now, now she knows she doesn’t and she has so much more to offer to people who truly love her and don’t make her feel like she’s the guilty party.

She doesn’t offer an answer which makes things worse when there is shouts at the other end of the line, slurs come and go but she’s rooted to the spot and rooted to the feelings that everything around her is crumbling down.

The two women are staring at her, one with pity and one with confusion. She has the mistake to look down at their joined hands and the way impatience covers the newly arrived face at the door. “Sorry about that.” After she hangs up an apology is the only thing she could think of. She can see the disapproving glance that Lena gives her for the apology or maybe for what she’s heard but she doesn’t care right now, because now she’s angry and desperate to get out.

It took just under two minutes to change her mind and to wish she could leave forever instead of stay.

Lena raises her hand and pinches in between her eyes, and Kara knows that’s a nervous habit she has. She picks up her bag from the floor and searches for her car keys, and curses when she doesn’t find it.

Lena drops Roulette’s hand and tries to take the remaining steps towards her but a perfectly manicure hand stops her by grabbing her arm and keeping her still.

Kara sees this and just sighs. “Hmm, well I have to go.” Finally, she touches the cold metal at the bottom of her bag and pulls her keys out.

“Yeah, you should.” Veronica effin’ Sinclair says it and it unnerves her to no return.

_She really hates her._

“Let me walk you to your car.” Lena says and her tone is final. She knows Roulette is about to protest, she would too if she just had a divided attention of the only person she wants to look at and to be stared at by those green eyes. But one look Lena gives and Veronica just pouts and drops her own bag into a coffee table near her and then sits on the couch already pulling her phone out to check whatever supervillains check on their phones and ignores the two awkward women at the door.

“Can you wait for a minute so that I can change into something more appropriate and don’t’ give my neighbors a show.”

“Just like the last time?” Kara says at the same time the other blonde repeats the same phrase. And finally she knows the nature of Roulette and Lena’s relationship. Kara says something unintelligible, which she knows she may regret later, but doesn’t receive a response or not the one she expects.

“Hey Kara,” The woman addresses her. She’s surprised and a little bit angry at how her name sounds from her like all knowingly on the couch but what gets her is what follows. “Please stop hurting her.”

_She’s trying. _

“I’m trying.”

Roulette just scoffs and goes back to whatever was on her phone. “I don’t see you trying, clearly.”

She wants to act like a five year old. She wants to pout, huff and tell on her to Lena. She also wants to send her to whatever she came from again. She wants to punch and hear that satisfying sound of bone cracking and- (It’s getting out of hand, her thoughts, I mean).

“What is it to you? Who gives you the right to judge me? Who are you in Lena’s life but an insignifi-”

“I’m the person you don’t want to become Kara.” The way she says it, with pain and defeat for some reason makes her want to hug her and apologize. She has so many questions but she can’t ask any of them since Lena is back, already dressed and ushering her out of the door. She says something to Roulette and she sees the rapid up and down motion of her head signaling her agreement.

Lena quickly closes the door that separates the two versions of her life. They take the elevator in absolute silence which is a good thing because she’s still mulling over Roulette’s words over and over in her head. It’s only when she’s unlocking her car that Lena finally talks, “Are we ok?” The raise of her eyebrow is involuntary, she just is surprised that she could ask such question when she doesn’t even know the answer to herself.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean are you coming back?” She knows she’s not asking about today or tomorrow or maybe the day after that but just about the fact that she wants to know if their arrangement is still on or that they’re even friends. 

At this point she could never go back to being friends with Lena.

“Do you want me to come back?”

“I do,” Lena says quickly. “But only if you want to.”

They’re going in circles; at least that’s what Kara thinks. “Lena I-“

_She wants to. _

_She wants to stay. _

_‘Please stop hurting her’ _

“I don’t know.” Kara says instead of saying ‘I love you’.

And there it is.

* * *

“So Kara Danvers huh?” Her voice is laced with judgement. She can feel it, hell she can see it. Veronica’s indifference attitude is a telltale sign. Her voice is just a bit tad bored but her eyes are pleading for more information. Lena’s nervous, but not for telling Veronica about Kara but nervous because just the thought of how they ended things with Kara still runs in her mind. “Don’t start please.”

“What? I was just making an observation.” Veronica says with a cheeky smile. Lena goes to the kitchen to grab a couple of glasses for the wine that she had opened before when she was with Kara but couldn’t get to drink it because they got distracted to say the least. 

The glass of wine is welcomed with a rush of hands and even though it doesn’t get to her she can see how Veronica blushes still. She wishes Veronica stopped doing that to herself. “If I didn’t know you better, I would say that nothing is just an observation for you.”

Veronica laughs and raises her two hands in surrender. The content of the glass of wine slushes back and forth but not a single drop is spilled.

“What do you want me to say?” Veronica rolls her eyes at her questioning eyes that prod for an answer, one that she can’t deliver, just yet.

“What you’ve been dying to say since you got here.” While Veronica seems to think that she still knows her (which she doesn’t), Lena can definitely say that she still knows Veronica.

Veronica seems to ponder if she should tell her or not. She decides that a vague answer is the way to go. “I never thought you would go for the hero type.”

_She hates vague answers._

“What? So I usually go for the damaged evil kind?” She’s definitely implying that Veronica was, or still is, since she was her type once upon a time.

“Ouch.” Seems like Veronica knows this too. She feigns hurt when a hand rises to her heart and the other that has the beverage lifts to meet her awaiting red stained mouth.

Lena has to choose her next words carefully it seems. “You know what I mean.”

“If by that you mean complicated then that’s a better word to say it.”

“Ok, yes. She’s also complicated if you must know.”

Veronica puts down the glass on the table and turns fully with her body to her spot. A leg crossed under the other, a supporting hand on her head and her other hand on the free skin of Lena’s leg. “What complicates it? Let’s put it into perspective then.”

Lena doesn’t reject the touch, instead welcomes it. She knows she shouldn’t but there’s something so soothing about it. It always makes her tell her everything. This is not an exception. “The fact that she’s married?”

Veronica knows the situation. She has heard firsthand about the sordid and not so sordid details about it. She also knows the other secret but that doesn’t factor in since Lena is okay with it. “But let’s say that she’s not happily married, then what’s the next complication?”

As much as Lena likes to think, she doesn’t come up with another explanation. “I don’t know.”

Veronica mulls over for a while her short but definitive answer. “See, to an outsider perspective we’ve only found just one problem and that seems to be her husband and well that she’s not that happily married if she’s colluding with you.”

Ok, she knows that she won’t find another one but isn’t just _having a husband_ the most pressing issue? She tells her that. “Isn’t that just it? That’s the only and big problem and don’t say colluding it’s not just that.”

“Have you heard about the word divorce? I know shocker.” Veronica teases but the message is delivered. “I know it’s none of my business.”

“Yeah, that’s right it is none of your business.”

“But,” She crosses the space between them and carefully grabs her cheeks and makes her look at her eyes. Brown stare at green and Lena can’t help but to compare the shades of eyes. The ones she’s seeing are not the right ones, after all blue is her favorite color. “You know if she really wants to be with you, she could just divorce him.”

“She could, but they don’t believe in divorce and well she doesn’t know why she should do it.”

“I don’t get their values but I know they believe in happiness right?” Veronica has the urge to drop her hands but Lena doesn’t let her. Lena instead grabs the hands on her face between hers and lowers them down to her lap. “Yes but the thing here is…She doesn’t know that I’m in love with her.”

Veronica honestly to God, laughs. “What? You’re serious? You can’t be serious Lena.”

Lena doesn’t have a lying bone on her body. Or maybe she has too many that she thinks she’s made up by lies and omissions. More so the latter than the former. There are so many things she hasn’t told multiple people, but the one thing that can make her happy is the one thing she can’t say it out loud. Maybe Kara was right and she was a coward. “I haven’t told her and I haven’t technically said that I want her to stay.”

“Fuck, I can’t believe this.”

“I know.”

“Lena.”

“I know, alright.”

“She’s probably thinking that you don’t want her and that you’re probably with me and after what I told her she must be thinking that she needs to stay away.”

“Go back, what did you just say?”

“I told her that she should stop hurting you. I was under the impression that she was hurting you after you told her that you loved her.” In Veronica’s case she could see the love in Lena’s eyes so that’s why she assumed.

“Oh god.” Lena groans and hides behind her hands. Veronica puts a sympathetic hand behind her back and starts to rub it with affection. Lena groans against her and Veronica pulls her into her arms. “I know I’m sorry.”

“That’s why she got so weird and teary eyed and she-“ Lena pinches the bridge of her nose and the other goes to the drink on the table. “Veronica! Come on!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Veronica still apologizes.

_It sounds genuine. _

_It is. _

“Now what am I going to do?”

“Call her? Text her? I don’t know.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out. You always do.”

If anyone could see the real Veronica then they would know that before turning into the side of evil she was pure. She was honest and pure with Lena Luthor, and only for Lena.

* * *

_She can do this._

_She can. _

She ended three years of marriage in an instant. She pulled the papers and signed them in a heartbeat. She said goodbye to the only constant in her life, to the only sure thing in her routine in a blink of an eye.

But she’s too much of a coward to do this.

She knows what’s stopping her.

She could hear two heartbeats inside the apartment.

She stands outside, two suitcases in each hand. It was the only thing she could pick up without him noticing and making it worse. It was all that could’ve fit in Alex’s car since she was too scared to fly while shaking and crying at the same time.

She puts one bag down so that she can knock but her fist is midway through the door and her body. She tries to hear something, whether that be a moan or just laughter or even music whatever would be fine but she hears nothing and that irks her so much.

That and the fact that Lena, Lena was in there with Veronica freaking Sinclair aka Roulette aka one pain in her ass who probably would give her the world, would give her everything that she couldn’t and she didn’t even had the chance to tell her that she wanted to be that for her.

But she can, even if it ruins whatever she has with the blonde at the other side of the door Lena has to know how she feels.

How she makes her feel.

Every laugh, every tear, every heartbeat, she has to know it was for her.

She knocks and waits.

And waits.

Waits a little bit more.

Roulette answers the door, she expected it. Still she stills herself and puts on a brave face. Roulette at the other side is surprised to see her, it shows in her gaping mouth but she also looks happy to see her? That she isn’t sure but here they are, neither has spoken yet. It’s awkward at first because they don’t know what to say, but then Kara does what she came to do. “Is Lena here?” Of course she is, it’s her house after all. She notices the slightly smirk of the blonde in front of her. Stupid question, she knows now.

“She’s undisposed.” A lot of images conjure in her head but before she can run her mind through a whirlwind. Veronica steps aside and motions her to come in. “We could wait for her.” Kara doesn’t give her a verbal answer just passes her and puts the suitcases and the bag near the door and plops herself on the couch.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“I do, thank you.” The dirty haired blonde hands her a martini and she downs it in one go (not feeling the alcohol at all). The taller woman gives her a smirk, a more predominant one and dons her drink the same way as her showing she won’t back down.

“So when you said she’s…“

“She got dirty so she’s taking a shower.” Something in Veronica’s tone doesn’t sit right with her. So many more thoughts run around her head, but none of them are enough for Kara to not get any wrongful ideas.

Veronica chuckles and Kara hates the sound. “It’s not like what you think it is.” Roulette says it convincingly.

She looks at her and shrugs. “I didn’t say anything.”

“But you were thinking it.”

“I-“

“Look Kara, I was under the impression that you were hurting her.”

Hurting Lena?

_She was. _

_She is. _

“I was, I’m still hurting her.”

“But you don’t seem to want that anymore.”

_She won’t do it anymore._

“Can we stop with the psychobabble and talk like real adults here. What are you saying? What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know if Lena has told you about me but I was you Kara. I was in the same position you were in not so long ago. The only difference is that I choose wrong and when I finally realized the mistake I’ve made it was too late.”

“What happened?” 

What made Lena stop what they were? Was it that she was so hurt that she didn’t want to keep on going? Is that what Lena will do to her?

She has so many questions. She has so many ideas of what could’ve happened but none of them prepared her for the real answer.

“She met you.”

There’s a long silence where Veronica takes advantage of and pours herself another martini. She doesn’t offer another one to Kara, and she’s kind of glad that she didn’t. “I think I messed it up already.”

“The fact that you’re here without your ring and with suitcases tells me otherwise.” She unconsciously touches with her right hand the wrist and the finger that now doesn’t have metal around them and then her eyes take one look to the discarded suitcases over the door. “In fact, it tells me more than I’ve ever done. I know that you haven’t been honest with each other so I would start from there.”

Veronica stands up and a part of Kara panics seeing the other woman gather her belongings and putting her shoes on. Some part of her wants Veronica to stay and help them get through. In the amount of time, even if it had been short, Veronica has given her good advice. “Where are you going?”

“Giving you time and space that I know you both need. Good luck with Lena.” Veronica pours herself one more drink. “Take care of her, and tell her that I had a business emergency, she will understand.”

“Thank you.”

“My, my, I never thought I would hear those words coming from a Super but I like it.” With that she opens the door and closes it softly, as to not alert Lena of her departure.

Kara’s grateful to have a few minutes alone in the living room, without Veronica and without the presence of the woman she loves so that she could think and be ready for a speech.

A speech that gets caught in her throat when Lena comes out of the room. Her hair is tumbling on one side of it, she’s touching it with care and she freezes completely in her step when she sees her. She looks at Kara and Kara only that Lena misses everything that could point out the reasoning of her presence.

“How long have you been here?”

Kara stands up and walks towards Lena. They’re right in front of the big window that overlooks the city. The city lights were reflecting on the window pane and everything seemed so quiet and peaceful. The city for the first time was letting her breathe.

“Not long.” She takes one last step and they’re inches away from each other. Not too close to touch but not too far as to not feel her warmth.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Lena says and it pains her because Lena should be mad, she should feel something, she shouldn’t be okay with Kara hurting her. 

“You have a-“ Lena doesn’t say it but she knows she was going to say her husband. ”You had to go back to your life but you see Kara I want to be part of your because I-“

Kara holds her breath.

“I love you.”

_She loves her. _

_She loves her. _

_She loves her back. _

Kara takes one last step forward and closes the distance between them. So slowly, her lips touch Lena’s and the softness, the passion, the love is pouring out from a single touch of lips. Her hands tangle on Lena’s back, one on her neck and one on Lena’s back to pull her even closer to her. She breaks the kiss just to see if Lena was ok with it. She cleans away a single tear that has fallen from green eyes and she takes the trembling lip between hers. This kiss is even softer than the last one and it takes all her breath away.

When she breaks the kiss this time is only to reassure the love of her life that she loves her back, if the meaning and the feeling of her kiss wasn’t clear enough. “I love you Lena. Since the first moment I saw you.”

Lena chuckled, a few more tears were tumbling down, but finally Kara didn’t want them to go away since she was sure they were happy tears. She was fairing the same now. She didn’t even cry when she was leaving _him _but now that she has her, she can’t stop feeling happy and showing it.

“I’ve always known that you were the one for me since you keep saving me as both Kara and Supergirl.”

“What will you do now?” Lena asks and Kara rolls her eyes at her. “What?”

“I left him. I had the divorce papers drawn up and signed a few months ago and I just made him do it. I took a few of my things and just came here.” Kara turns her head towards the suitcases and Lena follows the look. Lena then takes her hands and feels only smooth and soft skin between them. “I chose you.”

The look Lena gives her is indescribable, but she cannot wait to see it more often now that she can. “You chose me because you love me.”

“Because I love you.”

“And I love you.”


End file.
